When you become a mother, there are aspects of the birth experience that you never forget. Those moments are etched in your mind forever. As time goes on though, you do begin to lose sight of the whole experience while holding on to some of the details. It is because of this that I want to share the birth experience I had with our newest addition, as well as how I recall the births of my first two. What follows is the story of how Logan came to be.
THE PREGNANCY
The conception of Logan in my opinion, was a miraculous event. I didn't think I was able to become pregnant again. I had prayed for years and years for another child, until I eventually stopped praying for this blessing as I had resigned to the fact that it was God's will that I have the two I already had. It had been nearly seven years since I stopped using birth control and no baby!
In March I had been feeling under the weather. I had a pretty bad head cold which had me out of work even. Not very usual for me as I try to save my time off for fun stuff, not sickness. The head cold had led to a nauseated feeling which I chalked up to my sinuses draining. After about a week though the nausea didn't go away and one morning I actually threw up. Very unusual for me. I hadn't had any other symptoms of pregnancy, just the onset of what I would realize was morning sickness. That day, which was a Sunday, I went to the drug store and picked up some pregnancy tests. I was shocked when they came back positive. I didn't really think I was pregnant or even that I could be. It was really a 'for the heck of it' kind of thing. Now, even though the first two tests came back positive, I still didn't believe it. I went and got two more tests which also came back positive. The next day I contacted an OB/Gyn office to make an appointment for confirmation. The day of my appointment I took another test (taking the total up to five), just to be sure. I really didn't want to get to the doctor's office for them to tell me I wasn't pregnant and then feel like a disappointed fool.
The doctor's office sure did confirm that I was pregnant, such music to my ears. Despite the joy of being pregnant, I never really believed I would meet my baby. My body was broken, how could I get pregnant and maintain a pregnancy? The doctor's did all the normal stuff at the first visit, drew blood and tested for the HCG levels and all the other hormone levels and whatever else they test for.
While I was awaiting the blood test results I began to feel a little odd. What I would say was my uterus had a really heavy feeling when I was walking. I didn't know what it was or anything, I just knew it wasn't a feeling I experienced with my first two pregnancies. Soon after I had this feeling my doctor called to tell me my progesterone level was low (8.08 instead of over 10 where they expected it to be) and they immediately put me on medication, a synthetic form of progesterone, to help raise my levels. What I did next was research on-line the risks of low progesterone. A big mistake for any expectant mommy. Progesterone is the hormone that sustains pregnancy until the placenta is functional. Without progesterone miscarriage is imminent. During this time I was also on modified bed rest as a precaution. I was only 10 weeks pregnant so it was really up to faith to sustain me. At that stage there is nothing that can be done other than watching and waiting.
I was experiencing the normal first trimester symptoms by this point and recall standing in the bathroom at work with morning sickness smiling. Smiling at the fact that this sickness I felt each morning meant that a little person was growing in my tummy.
My doctor sent me for an ultrasound to establish a due date. Such a neat thing to see a little peanut on a screen with a heart beat. That rapid thump thump thump is music to any expectant mommy's ears. It sure was to mine. We learned I was 10 weeks pregnant and received our estimated due date of October 20, 2010. Shortly after the ultrasound I again received a call from the doctor's office. They spotted two sub-chorionic hematoma's. They are blood clots that form between the placenta and uterus. Both of mine were small, thankfully. They can vary in size which changes the prognosis. The clot can either bleed out of the woman or be reabsorbed by the body. Because of this I was still on modified bed rest as a precaution. I went back for a follow up ultrasound at 13 weeks and was pleased to learn that the clots were gone. Thankfully that means my body reabsorbed them. I would have surely been a basket case if I had bled them out. From more dreaded on-line research I learned that bleeding them out meant a hemorage, a gush of blood. That would have totally freaked me out!
Shortly after the dust had settled from all of this, the doctor's office had called yet again with results from one of the tests they had given me. I had a bacterial infection and they put me on antibiotics. On-line I went again and learned that this bacterial infection could cause premature rupture of the membranes in the second trimester. Holy cow, talk about scary.
It just seemed in the first 20 weeks of my pregnancy, and only knowing I was pregnant for 10 of those, everything that could have gone wrong went wrong. At least that was how I took it. I dreaded seeing the doctor's office number on my caller ID. I felt they never called with good news, just more stuff to scare me with. And each time it was stuff I had no control over whatsoever. I just had to weather these issues and try to keep positive. If you ask my husband though, I am not at all good at staying positive.
After I got over the 20 week hump though the clouds started to go away and I had entered a good part of pregnancy. The complications I was having were gone, and I just awaited the 24 week mark which meant this little bundle of joy in my womb would be viable on the outside. I felt so much safer then.The pregnancy related complications were not over though. At my 24 week check up I did the glucose tolerance test which I failed and was diagnosed as a gestational diabetic. Another diagnosis with its own set of risks. If untreated, you risk still birth. I was being monitored and controlled my glucose by diet alone. I did pretty good too and found myself challenging myself to get good readings. To get a bad or high reading made me feel like a failure, so I strived to eat what I needed to that would ensure a good or normal reading. The gestational diabetes diagnosis meant additional fetal monitoring. At 32 weeks we had to go weekly for non-stress tests and bio-physical profile ultrasounds. The non-stress test is when they strap the monitoring belts around your belly and track the baby's heart rate and how it responds to movement or contractions. The bio-physical profile ultrasound tests the baby's movements, amniotic fluid level, heart rate, practice breathing, and a couple other things. I looked forward to these appointments as it gave me peace of mind in hearing my little guy each week.
I forgot to mention earlier that I had an anterior placenta, which means it was on the front of my uterus. This is very normal, it just means that mommy may not be able to feel all of baby's movements that well. This had me a bit paranoid as there were plenty of times that I couldn't feel the movement on the inside of my belly, I was only able to feel it with my hand on the outside and sometimes even this was real faint. And early on when movement first starts, I would feel some one day, and not again for several days. This freaked me out and had me constantly worried. But as my pregnancy progressed, I began to feel movement more regular and began to understand my little guy's patterns. There were two occasions though where I went in to be checked for decreased fetal movement, which you really need to take seriously as movement is the only true indicator on how well your baby is doing in there. Both times though the doctors gave a non-stress test and bio-physical profile which he passed. This added to the peace of mind. Now onto the fun stuff.....THE BIRTH
On the morning of October 13th, I woke to go to the bathroom, as I had earlier that morning and every night before for the previous nine months. It was 4 a.m. I was sitting on the toilet when I felt a pop in my belly. It was a odd feeling, but I just felt this little pop. I sat there for a few minutes and began to notice fluid coming out that I had no control over. I did a kegal and fluid continued to come out. Not in a gush or anything, just a little bit at a time. I got a towel to catch any additional fluid and woke my husband up. I told him that I thought my water broke, but I wasn't one hundred percent sure as it was only a little bit of fluid at a time. I stood over the towel for a few minutes and more came out. I was now sure it was my water. I called the doctor's after hours line and she called me back shortly. I explained to her what happened and she advised that we head to the hospital right away. I was group B strep positive which meant that I needed antibiotics quickly to keep the baby safe during delivery.
We arrived at the hospital at 5 a.m. and L&D sent us to triage where they confirmed that my water had indeed broken. Shortly after that we were admitted and sent to our delivery room. They had hooked up the IV's for the antibiotic and saline to keep me hydrated. I was having some contractions, nothing I could feel though. The on call doctor came in to check me to see if I was dilated. I had been dilating for the past three weeks so I was hoping she would have good news in that department. Her check of me though was quite the experience. I swear she had her arm up to her elbow in me, it was quite painful. She reported that I was only 3 centimeters dilated and my cervix was high still. After a few hours they put me on pitocin which I was pretty afraid of due to previous experience with it. I had wanted to try an all natural birth and I was afraid the pitocin would cause me to need the epidural. With the pitocin my contractions started reaching the mid-80's on the monitor which the nurse said were real contractions and should cause me significant pain. I was still pretty comfortable which reaffirmed for me that I have a high tolerance for pain. My nurse believed I could do it naturally because of this.
My desire for a natural childbirth though was trumped by the need for precaution. Logan wasn't tolerating the contractions very well. Early on they had me hooked up to the external monitors, those though weren't picking him up consistently, so they had to use the internal monitors. Those gave the real picture of just how he was doing during each contraction. I was never so nervous before! During each contraction his heart rate dipped. Sometimes it dipped into the 80's, sometimes the 60's, and even once into the 30's! It freaked me out to watch this the entire day. My nurse discussed the epidural with me and how basing off of the dips in Logan's heart rate, it might be a wise decision to get the epidural in case we needed to go the route of an emergent cesarean, the medicine would already be in place. I agreed after watching the monitors myself. The epidural worked like a charm in that I didn't feel anything anymore, even though the contractions weren't that bad, either I wanted to feel them or I didn't, no need to be in between. Throughout the day his heart rate continued to drop. The doc finally came in a little after 5 and checked me and found I was fully dilated. She had me push a couple times to see how Logan would tolerate the pushing. Well, his heart rate continued to dip with the pushing and took a little longer to recover. She decided we would try this a couple times and if he was moving down, we could proceed, but if he wasn't coming out quickly enough, we would go the surgical route for his safety. Let me tell you, it isn't really easy pushing when you can't feel the muscles you must use to push. But I did it. I had to put my chin in my chest and push. This wasn't easy for me though as that gives me a odd sensation and causes me to gag. Sure enough, while pushing with my chin in my chest I was throwing up. My poor husband who was by my side the entire day was a victim of my thowing up. He says I spit right at him, but I honestly know I didn't. I was trying to hold myself back from throwing up because I was literally doing so at the side of my head, but with the force of the push, I threw up on him. It was either three sets of three or four pushes and Logan was born. Pushing him out was extremely difficult compared to my previous experience. The reason we learned because he came out sunny side up. The cause of his heart rate dips was the cord being up one side of his shoulder, behind his neck and down the other shoulder (imagine a beach towel draped over your shoulders). When he came out he cried immediately, he scored 9 on his apgars at 1 and 5 minutes after birth. He was so calm and serene after birth I was quite amazed. This calmness and serenity continues today.
I feel so abundantly blessed beyond measure and now dread the coming day when I will return to work. The past 9 months I have shared a special closeness with my son in that I carried him in my womb wherever I went, he was there. Now he is on the outside and I can't take him everywhere with me. Though I am so happy he is finally here, I am also saddened that we no longer share that ultimate closeness.
Happy family!
